i wonder

what causes our longing and lonliness on the deepest of levels?

for me

i believe it is my anima trying to find it's nature

unhindered by the soul (conciousness)

likewise

i believe it is my soul trying to find it's way

unhindered by the anima

i long for the fulfillment of my most basic and animalistic needs

while

at the same time trying to transcend the fles, to become a higher being....

if only the two natures could dwell in peace....

When In Rome

during a moment of bravery i started a creative projects group that will meet once a month ....i am elated and scared*swallows hard*...if i don't use my wings they will continue to wither until nothing remains....my friend Leigh and i have discussed this on and off for years and it's just time ya know....it's just time

dry socket

futility

is my safeword

at all costs

i must reign in my anger

i must keep it bound, silent

in this heart shaped box, i must

stow it safely

where i hide my fear, my regret, my hatred for you

my secrets,love, where my heart used to be

there are chattering teeth

how was i to know?

that a false heart fears, that it hurts,that it hungers all the more

keeping

i held your hand

and dragged you kicking,

screaming

to a chamber in the forgotten realm of my heart

where briars and brambles tear to pieces all who search

for love in it's depths

all who would hear you laugh

all who would see you smile

all who would love you and leave you

to the wolves

i swore

we would never again be so foolish

silly girl ,

you have made jesters of us both

dream in color

i ramble

along a winding path

unraveling my guts, my glory as i go searching

for home

under the monster movie moon, i sleep

among the brambles, i dream

behind my eyes

a world of color breathes life into life

the tired search for my place will wait

until tomorrow

ambivalence

i am indifferent to Desire's call,

lost to her embrace

always at my back

i feel her waiting for me

to forgive, forget

she will not surrender and i am helpless remembering

what it was like

when she loved me

diamonds....

give the gift that says...."third world inhabitants should live in grief and die for our vanity"