always changing my mind

i believe i have known who i am and what i believe in for many years

i also believe (or know rather)that i have ignored it because it was easier than changing

in all these years i have changed my mind about family, friends, love, human relationships, diet, parenting, education, career, meaning of life, ethics, morals, my faith, etc

all of these things have come into question many, many times when i have been confronted by things i found moving, disturbing, enlightening, etc

right now all of these things are in the forefront of my being and i feel compelled to define my position in life

my faith, my way of eating, my career, well everything really all has roots in my spiritual center

since i am no longer a "christian" as others define it i have been searching

not because i can't live without religion

but because i believe in the human potential we all have to be spiritually fulfilled beings and i refuse to believe the answers i have been given are all there is

when i quiet my center and really meditate on truth i know that i am not acting and living according to my own truth and sensibilities

that being said

i have to find a way to be me but still keep the bridges from burning between myself and others

even moreso

i have to get past my own weaknesses and fears

i know without a doubt

that in order to be whole and fulfilled

i have to be honest and stop being a chamelion for the sake of family, friends and society

i have grown tired of pretending for the sake of acceptance and security

i will always be sad , alone, and miserable until i begin to live the way i know in my heart to be true

TRUTH is what i seek and what i fear