the time of my life...

attempting an exercise at remembering what really makes me happy
i was calling to mind some of the most clearly fulfilling moments of my life....

and while i know this list is far from complete(and very out of order)

...it is a beginning to finding me...


1. shopping with leigh for bridesmaid dress materials and eating thai afterward
just passing the afternoon away with one of my dearest friends without the intrusion
of others

2. driving to jacksonville with leigh to help kristy move then going to the beach afterward
eating giant slices of pizza and then riding back in the big truck talking to my friend and just being happy

3. leigh and gavins wedding ...the entire trip to newport news...the whole event was like being home

4. staying up until dawn many nights with angela
talking about life and meaning...whether in her home or mine...whether driving to the beach at 2 am on bad tires with no cell phone...or sitting in the waffle house with strangers...or alone...she helped me know another human being on a level i have never reached with another person in my life

5. painting a mural on angelas bathroom wall

6. going to look at "haunted" or decomposing buildings with angela in the middle of the night

7. dressing up to go absolutely nowhere all by myself ...setting a place for one with fine cut glass and china dishes...making a gourmet meal for one and watching the sun rise while listening to my favorite music then curling up with my favorite novel alone until i lost all concept and worry concerning time

8.dancing to my dads old blondie-classic rock-and motown 8 tracks or records
dressed up in my moms clothes and makeup
singing into a makeshift microphone
singing my heart out unashamedly

9. hanging out in raliegh at night with johnathan...always a wonderland of experience and interesting characters

10. making passionate hurried love in an abandoned building during a spring thunderstorm behind my high school with my first love

11.dancing with james and meeting him for the first time...that whole night the world stopped and i...fell in love with an ideal...i believed in romantic love again for the first time since i was a brken -hearted child

12. hanging with yolanda -chris-ashley-rachel-les back in high school
doing really nothing but learning who we were

13. sleeping on my moms soft sheets...on her sofa while she hummed and cleaned to 80's radio...then helping her cook ...dinner and evening game shows...eating from a tv tray...then an invite to late aft kickball...til dark...then a bath...garfield or streawberry shortcake pajamas...then bliss

14. barbie proms...dinner dates...masques...playing with my sisters til we were dragged drowsily to bed

15. making a nest with james...(2 pushed together sofas...lots of pillows...and sheets...no clothes)....eating junk and drinking slushy coke while we watched space ghost or while i dozed and he played final fantasy

16. learning about my granny through stories she told

17. learning about my parents through stories told by others

18. the time i took a week off work and james helped me paint, clean, and remodel the house...we would work on it all night and play blue october...drank lots of mt dew and talked to one another more than we have since...it was the only time i have ever felt like a real couple in nearly 5 years

19.dating bryan and hanging out with him...i loved cooking for him and then he would surprise me with sparkling welchs grape juice...lol...he was too young to buy wine...i had a new gift or flowers nearly every day for 3 months...he was a great guy...and a great friend...a beautiful heart and the funniest friend...lol...i miss him

20.derek and jerrie at kathy's ...making fun of the strippers....and the bad food while eating it simultaneously...being able to work with my friends at food lion then hang out with them after work til dawn...

21. reading pooh books to robert when he was little...he loved the hundred acre wood..(i even did the voices)..(he asked me could he lay on my pooh tummy or sit behind my "wegs"....making him mini sausage biscuits and orange rolls for sat morning cartoons(back then the only tv allowed in my home was sat morning cartoons...angela had to bring the tv bc i didn't even want to own one)

22.hanging at kristy and leighs doing whatever...

23. hanging out in kristy's room (or hole...as granny called it..lol)...waering pajamas for the whole weekend...

24. karaoke bar bliss

25. reading...and the ever so often release of worthwhile movies


26.(to be continued...)